Back in February I wrote about wanting to become a better listener.

The last few weeks I’ve found myself thinking a lot about the different ways in which, after listening carefully, I respond to what people say to me.

There is often a relationship between careful listening and careful speaking, but I am learning that one does not automatically guarantee the other.

When instead of listening attentively, I am already formulating my response in my head, I suspect I am being reflexive.

When I hear myself being defensive, I am almost certainly being reflexive.

When I find myself offering up the same, unchanged beliefs I’ve held for a long time, I am most definitely being reflexive.

I much prefer to be reflective, to think carefully, turning the possibilities upside down in my head, examining new ways of approaching an issue. I am learning that no matter how much I have thought about a problem in the past, there is generally another way to ponder it.

As I clean my house in preparation for Passover this year, I am mindful of the renewed opportunity to also rid my mind of chametz and change my behavior accordingly. The first to go, I hope, will be reflexive listening, creating room for some liberating reflection.