Early in February I launched this blog with hopes of exploring some key questions for myself. I wanted to thoughtfully look back at my life, and reclaim meaningful parts of my past, so that I could intentionally reflect on my present and dream about my future.

Writing (somewhat) regularly has helped rekindle my interest in the world around me, motivating me to again become more active in our local Bend the Arc chapter, standing shoulder to shoulder with others to face down that “I-won’t-say-his-name” Presidential candidate and let the world know that we’ve seen this before and won’t take it.

A commitment to writing has strengthened my practice of critical thinking about cultural phenomena, current events, and social justice struggles. As a white ally, I continue to educate myself about the racism in this country, and I restate my willingness to interrupt it and say, “¡Basta ya!” As a straight ally, I celebrate the progress made by GLBTQ folk and am mindful that the work is not finished.

The depth of reflection and breadth of experience that good writing demands, at least for this would-be author, have also reminded me how much I love to travel. Early in 2017, I plan to be on a plane to Australia to visit an old friend and explore that magical land as well as New Zealand. There are many aspects of this upcoming trip that will be radically different for me, and I am embracing the possibilities as well as the challenges.

Starting a new decade has given me much cause for joy and celebration. I am constantly reminded of how much I don’t know, and have also been taking stock of some things I have learned and now believe with all my heart. My writing this year has helped me articulate, clarify, and reassert some core beliefs:

• Doing the right thing is more important than being right
• Almost everything is negotiable
• Brilliance is enviable but wisdom is more valuable
• Change is a crucial precursor to growth
• Crawling into a box is tempting but thinking outside the box is richer
• Black and white thinking offers only two options; living in the grey means endless possibilities
• Rituals and practices are way better than habits
• Good intentions are important but not nearly enough
• Being a pretty girl can be fun but it is oh so overrated
• Being honest and being authentic are not the same
• Love is a choice, and a verb, and it needs to be exercised like a muscle

Thank you for reading my blog.

 

 

 

 

Years ago, I dreaded the approach of Yom Kippur, for I childishly understood it as a sad holiday. Going without food for a day, sitting in services with utter solemnity, and missing a day of school with my (mostly) non-Jewish friends — all of this gave me little reason to embrace the Day of Atonement.

Since I joined Congregation Kol Emeth eighteen years ago, my understanding of and appreciation for Yom Kippur, and the entire period leading up to it, have both broadened and deepened.

The month of Elul has arrived and I have begun my work.

First and foremost, now is a time for repair, and I don ‘t mean the kitchen drawer that doesn’t close properly. I’m talking about repairing relationships, especially the ones that matter the most to me.

I generally read up on apologies during Elul, but this year, I am finding myself mostly pondering the latest season of Orange is the New Black, which is, to my thinking, first and foremost a season about (frequently attempted) repair and (sometimes successful) forgiveness. It is about relationship building, against all of the odds that the women imprisoned in Litchfield Correctional Facility face on a daily basis. I am thinking mostly about Piper and Alex, about Sophia and Gloria, about Nicky and everyone around her, and of course, about Doggett and Charlie. (More of my reflections inspired by these last two in a future post.)

Common wisdom has it that we hurt and are most deeply hurt by the people about whom we care the most. I know this to be true, and so the need to seek forgiveness from family and friends looms large on my mind and in my heart. I’m still learning how to offer meaningful apologies, and am guided by the R words: expressing regret, taking responsibility, sharing feelings of repentance, offering repair, and requesting forgiveness.

I know that when I do this well, I am filled with feelings of renewal, which is largely what I look forward to from now until Yom Kippur, and hopefully beyond.

 

For as long as I can remember, the first of September always jumps up and greets me like the beginning of no other month, Gregorian or Hebrew or otherwise.

When I was a child, it signaled to me that my birthday was rapidly approaching, as was the beginning of the school year (in New York we never began before Labor Day). If Rosh Hashanah fell on the early side in a given year, it was like winning a Triple Crown, and my excitement multiplied. At the same time, I occasionally felt cheated as my new Rosh Hashanah clothes became my birthday presents which became my school clothes.

I began to observe the tradition of making “rabbit, rabbit” my first spoken words on the first of each month long ago, when my daughter, Iliana, initiated this ritual and encouraged me to join her. I have continued, even though my feelings and beliefs about being lucky (or not) have changed.

Really, what has changed is the way in which I look at my life, and my awareness of what affects how I move in the world. As I have grown closer to my faith, and have deepened my learning and religious practices, being aware of the blessings I enjoy seems to make much more sense than being grateful for being “lucky.”

Back in March, during the Hebrew month of Adar, I wrote on this blog about reciting and receiving blessings, and being a blessing. Now, almost six months later, I return to those thoughts, and reaffirm my commitment to being a blessing through my actions.

Come October 1, I will again say “rabbit rabbit,” as I did this morning, if for no other reason than to connect with Iliana.