Years ago, I dreaded the approach of Yom Kippur, for I childishly understood it as a sad holiday. Going without food for a day, sitting in services with utter solemnity, and missing a day of school with my (mostly) non-Jewish friends — all of this gave me little reason to embrace the Day of Atonement.

Since I joined Congregation Kol Emeth eighteen years ago, my understanding of and appreciation for Yom Kippur, and the entire period leading up to it, have both broadened and deepened.

The month of Elul has arrived and I have begun my work.

First and foremost, now is a time for repair, and I don ‘t mean the kitchen drawer that doesn’t close properly. I’m talking about repairing relationships, especially the ones that matter the most to me.

I generally read up on apologies during Elul, but this year, I am finding myself mostly pondering the latest season of Orange is the New Black, which is, to my thinking, first and foremost a season about (frequently attempted) repair and (sometimes successful) forgiveness. It is about relationship building, against all of the odds that the women imprisoned in Litchfield Correctional Facility face on a daily basis. I am thinking mostly about Piper and Alex, about Sophia and Gloria, about Nicky and everyone around her, and of course, about Doggett and Charlie. (More of my reflections inspired by these last two in a future post.)

Common wisdom has it that we hurt and are most deeply hurt by the people about whom we care the most. I know this to be true, and so the need to seek forgiveness from family and friends looms large on my mind and in my heart. I’m still learning how to offer meaningful apologies, and am guided by the R words: expressing regret, taking responsibility, sharing feelings of repentance, offering repair, and requesting forgiveness.

I know that when I do this well, I am filled with feelings of renewal, which is largely what I look forward to from now until Yom Kippur, and hopefully beyond.